Friday, July 27th: Today is a day of courage. It’s TALK IN AN ELEVATOR DAY. You know those awkward moments of silence, the eyes forward, trying to avoid bodily contact until the elevator is too crowded to avoid it? Enliven the ride today. Try one of these tips. (Tips complement of Facebook postings)

  • Say, “Ding!” at each floor.
  • Sing along with the Muzak.
  • Push a button, pretend it gave you a shock. Smile and go back for more.
  • When there is only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn’t you.
  • Call the Psychic Hotline and ask them if they know which floor you’re on.
  • Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator.
  • Wave hands wildly at invisible flies buzzing around your head.
  • Hold the doors open as if you’re waiting for a friend, but then let it close. Say to nobody, “Hey, Howard, how’s it been?”
  • When the doors close, announce, “Don’t worry, they’ll open again soon.”
  • Open your purse slightly and say, “Do you have enough air in there?”
  • Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
  • Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
  • Whistle the first seven notes of “It’s a Small World” incessantly.
  • Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you “Admiral”.
  • Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce “You’re one of THEM!” and move to the far corner of the elevator.
  • Start a sing-along.
  • Announce in a demonic voice: “I must find a more suitable host body.”

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